violacea | more panic snippeting (Reply)

Another snippet to save for posterity. Or something. :) There was a discussion going on over in

harriet_vane's journal about the footage of Brendon getting bottled at Leeds, and how angry Jon looked while everyone was huddled around Brendon, and how there needed to be more angry!Jon in fic, rather than just laid back!Jon. And, well, this happened.

Jon's so angry he can't really see when he gets off stage. He's vaguely aware that Brendon's curled up on a couch behind him in the dressing room, and he sees Spencer sit down on the couch next to him. But Jon's vision, it's nearly whited out, and that's never happened before. "Seriously, who the fuck does that? Throws a fucking bottle? Like, hate the music, whatever, I don't fucking care, but don't fucking hurt someone, that's the biggest fucking bullshit I have ever fucking seen ..."

Jon doesn't really realize he's punched the wall until Ryan's grabbing his hand and cradling it. Jon blinks. He looks down - Ryan's ridiculously long fingers are brushing Jon's knuckles, and okay, yeah, that hurts. He winces, and looks up at Ryan's face. Ryan is pale, his mouth set into a line that most people would interpret as expressionless. Jon's been around just long enough to see the subtle curve there, the slight widening of Ryan's eyes that shows ... terror? Anger? Whatever it is, Jon knows it's a mirror of everything that's roiling around in his own belly right now.

"Jon." Spencer's voice, quiet but insistent. Jon turns around. Spencer and Brendon are both watching him. Spencer looks calm - in that way that means he'd be the one punching walls if he didn't have Brendon's head in his lap. Brendon's eyes are glassy; he's hurting, and he's scared. Brendon's always been the one who's an open book, the first one Jon learned how to read. The look on Brendon's face is a punch to Jon's gut, and he snatches his hand away from Ryan. He instinctively balls his hand into another fist, but immediately relaxes it - partly from pain, partly due to the narrowing of Spencer's eyes. "Jon," he says again, and inclines his head slightly.

Jon glances at Brendon again - his eyes are half-closed, and he's taking deliberate breaths, his chest rising and falling in a forced slow rhythm - and moves across the room. Spencer slides off of the couch, touching Jon's shoulder as they pass each other. Jon sits down in Spencer's place, and Brendon makes a small noise ... it sounds a bit like distress, but Brendon struggles to a sitting position. "No, stay ..." Jon tries to tell him, but Brendon sits up and winds his arms around Jon's torso. Jon exhales, and throws an arm around Brendon, allowing Brendon's head to fall onto his shoulder. He hopes Brendon can't feel how fast his heart is racing.

Ryan sinks to the floor across from them, slouching against the wall and crossing his arms over his knees and resting his forehead on his forearms. Spencer disappears from the room. Jon figures Spencer's just smarter about his violent urges.

Jon rests his chin on the top of Brendon's head. "You okay?"

"Yeah." The reply is muffled, but Brendon's breathing is smoothing out, so Jon half-believes him.

Meanwhile, elsewhere,

ignipes is talking a space opera AU and I am VERY HAPPY. :D